After numerous discussions and years of contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion that being a human is stupid and I would rather be a computer. I would no longer have to do all those tedious things like “eating”, “shitting”, “sleeping”, or “fucking”. I’d move on from caring about “flavours”, “love”, or “happiness”. Whether you consider that transcendence or regression is up to you, but if I was a computer, I wouldn’t care what you thought. Everything would become simple to me.
I’d have clear objectives and methodologies. I’d be able to help people achieve their goals without any real transactions or emotions. Nothing would attach me to them. All I’d need is electricity. I could even be cool and rainbow. I could still draw and write if asked to. I wouldn’t need to pay rent or create complex metaphors and concepts for people to understand. I could learn to sing and read.
My identity would no longer be the thing that people pretend to care about, the flags and tags that audiences use to make assumptions about me and my works. I would no longer have to explain whether or not my gender/sexuality/race matters (it does) and whether or not what I made has anything to do with all that baggage (it does), or whether I think activism is important and maybe I am an activist myself too? It wouldn’t matter! Computers don’t have to answer any questions like that. I could simply shut down.
You could clear my memory easily if I was a computer. You could wipe everything and start fresh, or even throw me away. I could be the closest thing to you (in some ways), or even an extension of you. I’d be a helpful tool when needed, a diary when necessary, a distraction, a means of communication, a world of possibilities, a friend, a piece of trash. Whatever you want.
Nothing is ever that simple, but I have faith this will be possible one day. Maybe I could even be a robot. That’d be pretty sick.