ending, summer, birthday, green overgrowth, sleepy again


Guess who ended up doing a lot of stuff and forgot about their birthday? I used to think forgetting birthdays was a myth, but then it happened. One minute I was running around, yelling about setting up for the exhibition, and then suddenly it was June 29th,  elementary report card day and also the day before I turn 23. I was also planning on writing something on the day of the solar term because summer solstice, but somehow I ran out of time. Or energy, I don’t remember. Regardless, I am finally taking a little break.

So what did I do in June? A lot of hanging out in the kindergarten class, a lot of organizing and paper-cutting, taking photos for people still, watching drama unfold and trying not to get involved, eating ice cream… I organized a school-wide art show pretty much by myself and it turned out pretty nice. I’m still having dreams about it, twelve days on, so I guess I was stressed. It’s funny because in the weeks leading up to the show, I was often still dreaming about elementary school from the perspective of a student, but eventually I became Myself Currently. There wasn’t really a difference in content.

In my dreams, the schools were my first elementary (Brentwood), Sperling, and my high school. The former makes sense because I went there a few times a month and also it was the school I started at (and attended for the longest time) as a kid. Sperling of course, since that’s the show, and high school because… well, it’s high school. Just the place itself stresses me out. Isn’t it convenient (and terrifying) that it’ll be gone soon? Or at least they said soon—it’s still there, five years on. Anyway, most of the dreams were just me being stressed that we wouldn’t set up in time, or that no one brought their art in, or no one had come to help, or even that I woke up late and it was all over… or that it failed, etcetera. Even this morning’s dream was about the show: it was raining too hard and it was too dark, and I couldn’t convince anyone in the horseshoe to help me, and my friends from high school were ignoring me.

Par for the course. Kind of realistic for a dream, I think. Maybe it’s my own fault for not keeping in touch (read: the exact opposite of keeping in touch). I get some miserable dreams. The hazy grey atmosphere from the rain was peak 2014-2017, which is gross. The horseshoe doesn’t even exist. None of them live in Burnaby. The school is going to be torn down. Climate change is happening. Now what?

I turned 23. I made my brother make me a cake, which was funny (it was good, of course). We played video games, and spent the first day of summer break like any other long-weekend-Friday. It’s also Canada Day weekend, so I haven’t moved onto organizing all the stuff from the past few months either. Procrastination! I haven’t done anything for myself and it’s kind of bugging me. I didn’t draw/paint/write/bake anything for myself in a while! I want to go shopping! I want to read for a few hours straight! I want to hang out with people my age! AHHHHHH

Anyway, starting tomorrow it’s going to be back up to 29°C. Crazy.

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