not a dream but not entirely real…


If it was Grace from a few years ago, I’d probably write something like: “I’m doing a terrible job of keeping up with the solar term posts, not that I owe it to anybody to write anything. But since I’m doing it for myself, the only person I can disappoint is myself, and as a result I am not very happy with myself.” However, since that Grace isn’t here, I’ll write about other things that don’t include as much self-hatred.

I started and finished a project with the other french kindergarten class. It’s for their teacher’s legacy project, but because she’s going on maternity leave after winter break, there was less time to get something done. I don’t know if it’s actually cute or more of a chaotic smorgasbord of pastel colours and hot glue residue that people are too nice to criticize, but it’s something. I personally think it’s cute and reflective of the kids in the class, which is nice.

It was also my mom’s birthday this past Tuesday. Despite our absolutely packed week, we had a dinner outside to celebrate, and I baked a chocolate cake with cream cheese coffee frosting. It was good.

I got my vaccinations, and then caught YET ANOTHER flu from my brother (or sister, I have no idea). You’d think my immune system would start working or something by now, but no… I still haven’t gotten better entirely, either. Crazy.

My brother also performed with his school band during the primary winter concert, which was cute. I didn’t really feel any nostalgia or anything, most likely since I don’t really remember myself being in grades 7-12. I’ve got lots of passive memories, sure, but nothing concrete. My brother and his friends were very funny and cute, and of course so were all the primary classes. The holidays are so fun when you’re around kids (or are a very kid-like person). We’re going to make a gingerbread… village? I don’t remember what the box said since I bought it in October, but it will be stupid and fun.

We went on a field trip to SFU that day, too. The next day we were at a funeral. The rest of the week I spent finishing the aforementioned kindergarten project, as well as the concert. Next week is the last one before break, which I am looking forward to. Time is passing, and I still always feel like I’m running out. I’m pretty organized and on top of everything important, and yet I feel like I’m forgetting something crucial. I’m also having weird dreams where everyone is disappointed in me or rejects my existence in some way or another, and I wake up stressed, even if I immediately forget what happened in the dream.

I think everything’s going to be fine. It usually ends up fine; whether I worry incessantly or not at all, the outcome is usually okay. And most of the time, okay is good enough.

Photo from the bus up to SFU.

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