[bg music: 공허해]
Routinely asks myself questions about my current place and I receive different answers at every possible point. I don’t know what that says about me as a person, or my ever-changing state of mind. But. Whatever.
So. School is starting to be intense again. It will stay intense until, like, summer. Which means homework, and things I will actually have to do. I still have negative motivations and even less aspirations, so I guess I’m kind of screwed.
I used to… kind of have a grasp on what my supposed identity was, or what it was eventually going to become. But currently, recently, as of late, I have no idea again.
Contradictory. I’m a contradictory person. There. In four words I have summed up everything.
[bg music: AIRPLANE]
This past school year (and the attached summers) feel unreal. What does feel real? I’m not sure.
What have I gained? What did I learn?
I have a lot more pink things on my desk, and figurines. I learned that I never learn.
This summer was regrettable. But it was also the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and the most fun I’ll have for a long time. That thought in itself is quite regrettable. There still are many things I do not know from the summer, and although I’d like to know, I presume asking those questions would not be very productive. However, I regret in particular the fact that I took the time to explain myself, and for once, display my true thoughts.
I suppose honesty isn’t appreciated, and that people only listen to reply, if the reply is all that counts. Isn’t it?
[bg music:니가 하면]
Maybe this one will be shorter. I’m constantly worrying and overruling my previous judgements—about other people, about homework, about myself—and all I end up is 10x more confused than I was previously.
Then I’ll leave myself to reminiscing, and you to your reading. Onto colder weather.
Until then.
oh. well. yes, many things about summer were regrettable. and it serves to prove that interacting with *certain assholes* is completely not worth the trouble and should, in general, not be done to extreme extents.
for the better of your health, of course.
other than that—try to think of school as something to get through with achievement rather than something you want to, uh, slave through. although i don’t know, since i’m not a believer myself.
unreal…? like, they passed too quickly and you weren’t even sure what was going on? or maybe just… bad, considering what came out afterwards. after all the… worrying. and help, aha.
the world’s not fair. summer carol would’ve contradicted.