Today, we’re going to write one of those classic stream-of-consciousness random bullshit posts that I used to be able to pump out daily. At some point, writing and drawing became hard to me. I could only squeeze out about five minutes of garbage before I gave up (and booted up Steam). It’s not solely because of my quality standards or self-hatred, and not because I was distracted by games or friends or whatever, either…
It’s probably another case of good ol’ depression, but like. Whatever.
Anyway. So. What have I been up to since summer 2025? I had a job (or a few) and got paid sporadically, I saved up enough to go on a trip to Japan (that was very awesome and mildly life-altering) where I met up with some friends (which also made it more awesome) and met my cousin and his girlfriend (cool). My siblings are hard-working and/or hard at work and/or hardly working, depending on which sibling you’re wondering about.
I was a bridesmaid last month. I didn’t actually get to help much because the bride’s family and family friends were so on top of their game. They set up and cleaned up so fast that I only had the chance to pick up some garbage and lift like, two boxes. Absolutely insane. The food was great. I ate a little too much, but it was fine because I was either walking or standing the whole time. I got to chat with a baby for a bit. He was the ring-bearer (he wasn’t actually holding it because he was too baby) and he really liked the Majima Cooro that I had attached to my bag.
My other cousin is having a marriage party in Shanghai next month. I’ve been invited with my family, so it’ll be fun, probably. I can’t really imagine having a bad time, but then again, I don’t usually have any expectations. That leads me to a thought I’ve been mulling over for a little bit…
But firstly, let’s do a little check-in. A re-introduction in between the catching-up and the whatever else I was going to write about. Hiya. I’m 26. My siblings are 23 this year, and 15. I’m currently in between jobs, I have pretty much everything I wanted at 16, and I am perpetually in a state of feeling like I forgot something crucial.
When I was 15/16, I treated myself as if I was invincible. Logically, I knew a lot of things and knew especially that the human body is very fragile. I knew that our brains are easily influenced by outside influences, as well as inside imbalances (like a weird tumour, or being low on a specific chemical). However, since I had no care for what happened to me throughout the day, and did not possess the ability to dream up an ideal future, I frequently neglected my health. I was hyper-aware of the thoughts and feelings in my head and chest, and I catalogued them with feverish dedication in an attempt to intectuallize and therefore “understand” why I felt a certain way. In doing so, I overlooked the physical ties. You know how sometimes you’d feel shitty randomly and then remember you hadn’t eaten in five hours and didn’t drink any water since the morning? I think sometimes I just needed to take a walk and get a snack. It would probably serve as a bandaid on top of all my other issues at the time, but even that’s better than sitting there and letting it fester. Or worse, when I metaphorically picked at it until it was gross and I felt gross and suicidal. But like, I was a kid.
Well, now it’s been ten years. Do I feel all that much grown up? In some ways, yes, and in other ways, probably not. Maybe it’s just today’s gloomy weather speaking, but sometimes I’m even less sure about things.
Hold on, I just got a coffee. My mom realized she didn’t make coffee this morning so she did just now (at 4:20PM) and I got a cup. The mood of this post may be saved after all.
Where was I? Something about being 26? I mean, in almost all ways it’s significantly better than being 16. Firstly, I’m an adult, which means I can pretty much go anywhere I want. I’m also fortunately blessed with an androgynous face and no hips, so I can just wear a sports bra and a big jacket to avoid getting harassed. I can also release the tits when necessary. Gotta exploit the systems if you can. It’s not that I’ve given up on trying to do good or spread awareness, but at some point I realized that I’m just one guy that will never truly fit in anywhere, and I’ll be more comfortable slipping in and out of various places in different ways. I’m a girl’s girl, I’m a practice boyfriend, I’m the older sister figure, I’m the grandpa of the group. It’s whatever. It’s fun, most importantly.
That reminds me. In July we went on the bachelorette trip to Victoria. It was right after the boys’ trip to Osaka and Tokyo. It was definitely interesting to experience the differences. I don’t think there was anything particularly negative about both trips. There were moments of disagreement, where I considered just Walking Out That Door and going to the Airbnb, but at the end, I convinced myself out of it. It wasn’t because I wanted to be morally upstanding or “the bigger man”, it was just more work to leave and then have to explain things to smooth them over. Also, the bachelorette trip was for the bride. As long as she was happy (and oblivious, LOL), nothing else really mattered to me. I was only at like a 5.5/10 on the discomfort scale. The boys’ trip was also mostly chill because we went to different spots for the majority of the time, and reconvened for meals. At the end of the day, I realized that I’d speak to this one friend like once a year anyway. What’s the harm in this one disagreement? I came off a bit harsh, but that’s also just how I speak. Relatively blunt when I want the topic to change. The rest of the time was fun and we ate lots of good food.
I’m also going on another friend trip right after attending my cousin’s wedding. It’ll be a ten-day thing. The friends in question are also getting married next month, which is exciting. They’re very cute and it warms my heart. They are also very smart and generous, and sometimes I feel like a chunky wet cat when I meet up with them. Despite my supposed social prowess as detailed above, I come home from outings and wonder just why do my friends keep me around, anyway? I never learned how to drive (this WILL change), I’m broke as shit, I’m not a cute or sexy girl, and I am really bad at verbally expressing affection. The girlies (that’s what they say) love praising each other. I am bad at it. I point at their hair and go: “It looks nice today. Boingy.” Or, “I like your bag. It’s big and looks like a rich Chinese mom’s bag, but in a fashionable way.” Or just, “… you know how I feel so I’m not gonna say it, ha-ha,” paired with a thumbs up. Why do they keep me around!
I’m probably more fun than I remember myself being, actually, so I’m not as concerned as it may seem above. My memory isn’t 100% reliable, especially when concerning my own behaviour, so it’s, again, whatever.
No promises or plans, but hopefully I write something before the end of the year.
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