{"id":5181,"date":"2021-07-23T05:06:53","date_gmt":"2021-07-23T09:06:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/?p=5181"},"modified":"2021-07-23T05:06:53","modified_gmt":"2021-07-23T09:06:53","slug":"experimenting-with-fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/2021-solar-terms\/experimenting-with-fear\/","title":{"rendered":"experimenting with fear"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u5927\u6691\u3002<\/p>\n

\"\"
Possibly a landscape.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Since it’s quite late and I (almost) forgot to write, this will be a more fragmentary and list-like post. In the past few weeks I was moderately productive: I have yet to do any work for my class, but the first test’s deadline is tomorrow so I’ll get to it… later. I also bleached and colourred my hair and now I am blond, which is incredibly fun. Only one friend has seen it in person so I am a bit sad but whatever. I feel great, my wallet does not. I also got a blood test yesterday, which was a First. The day of my hair appointment I ate ramen with my close friend and her friends, along with my sister since she was also doing her hair. She’s purple (thematically consistent).<\/p>\n

I’m still house-hunting (or to be more accurate, room-hunting), which is terrifying. Every night (tonight included) I panic, and I’m brought back to the nightmare-having, cold-sweating little girl sitting on a futon in an empty room. When I was a baby I cried for my mom, and even if she (or my dad, who also would come to the rescue) couldn’t physically delete the source of the fear from my brain, I calmed down when I heard their voices. I guess it would be the same now. It’s too bad that I’m 21 and not 2, though. Things in real life are a lot scarier than in my head. I haven’t had a nightmare since mid-elementary school. What am I still afraid of? I could list things, but they would fall under the same categories:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Things that threaten my safety\/comfort.\n
      \n
    1. Spiders.<\/li>\n
    2. Dust\/unidentifiable dirt. (Dust is mainly an allergen, which I try to avoid. Aversion is grouped with fear in this list.)<\/li>\n
    3. Public speaking.<\/li>\n
    4. My old high school building. That’s a joke, sort of.<\/li>\n
    5. People yelling.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n
    6. Things out of my control.\n
        \n
      1. Also public speaking.<\/li>\n
      2. Waiting. (In line, for others, for my turn to present, making phone calls, etc)<\/li>\n
      3. Anything I can’t prepare for\/experience ahead of time\/new things with no prior notice.<\/li>\n
      4. The emotions of other people.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n
      5. Pain.\n
          \n
        1. Going to the dentist.<\/li>\n
        2. Meeting up with old friends.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Not an exhaustive list, of course, and most of these are just Things I’d Rather Avoid But I Can Deal With Because I’m A Big Kid Now. Except for spiders. And my thoughts on pain are kind of wishy-washy, considering my bad habits and somewhat masochistic tendencies. I think that’s about it for now. The recommendation for this post is to sleep regularly, which is directed mostly at myself. Goodnight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          \u5927\u6691\u3002 Since it’s quite late and I (almost) forgot to write, this will be a more fragmentary and list-like post.…<\/p>\n

          Continue Readingexperimenting with fear<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5184,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[214],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2021-solar-terms","excerpt","even","excerpt-0"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5181"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5185,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5181\/revisions\/5185"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}