{"id":5014,"date":"2020-07-24T01:45:40","date_gmt":"2020-07-24T08:45:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/?p=5014"},"modified":"2020-09-22T19:29:08","modified_gmt":"2020-09-23T02:29:08","slug":"%e5%a4%a7%e6%9a%91","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/2020-solar-terms\/%e5%a4%a7%e6%9a%91\/","title":{"rendered":"\u5927\u6691"},"content":{"rendered":"

Major heat.<\/p>\n

\"\"
a little bit of a drawing from a few days ago<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It has actually been quite hot the past week, which is nice. I don’t think I did much either… I enrolled in my courses for the next year. Amazing how I’m already going to be entering my third year. I really didn’t expect to make it this far.<\/p>\n

I spent a good amount of last year alone, which let me do quite a bit of retrospective pondering. It was usually aimless and circular, but I suppose that is what entertains the lonely. On my 19th birthday, while at karaoke with some extended family, I ended up thinking of a metaphor for one’s past. I thought about how the things that I found unsettling about either my childhood or school years I ended up carrying with me, like balloons. A whole bunch of balloons, each carrying a memory of something bad. I thought about it sadly: why did I have to carry those with me? Why was my story like this? Why did these events and memories define who I am? … and so on.<\/p>\n

Last night I went back to that thought by accident, and noticed that over the years, I’ve created quite a few metaphors for my sadness. There were the balloons, but I had also characterized it as a shadow, or some sort of burden; or as a parasite that dwells in my centre, taking up all the space; or like a character profile in games that pulls up my stats and skills; or a weight that keeps me stuck to the floor. Sometimes, I would be afraid of keeping them, and distanced myself away from those feelings-thoughts-memories, while other times, I’d imagined them as part of me. Part of what made me who I am, something that can’t be divorced. I guess those are all right, but in a way, it’s also just all… the result of over-thinking.<\/p>\n

Well, it’s a great way to pass time. A thought exercise. Anyway, back to last night: I was watching dumb videos before sleeping of an interview. The person being interviewed spoke about being the child of a famous person, and having their flaws being televised from a young age, and all sorts of troubles that I could not imagine nor relate to. But, perhaps because this person was close in age to me, or perhaps because of some other silly reason, I could empathize. Everyone has their own sadness that they carry around. Who hasn’t felt wronged, especially as a young child? Either through making mistakes, or facing the consequences of others’ mistakes, we end up growing up.<\/p>\n

So when I say I hate someone or something that I experienced, I don’t usually mean that I truly, one hundred percent hated them without remorse, but that I hate that whatever happened did happen, and that I hate how it made us feel. I say I hate high school, which usually just amounts to me hating the constant anxiety and unrealistic standards and unhealthy coping methods. I say I hate a specific person, but I usually just mean I hate how they treated other people\/me, or the way they act in certain situations, or just how our relationship deteriorated. It also doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve removed all instances of it from my mind, since I can still learn something from them.<\/p>\n

I’ve yet to figure out how to navigate (with) my sadness, but I’m guessing I’ll figure it out with time.<\/p>\n

This blog post has a bit of a different flavour from the last few, but I figured some change wouldn’t be bad. There’s really no major takeaway from this post either, just more of a acknowledgement that we’re all kind of not okay, but it’s okay anyway. I’m here to have fun, not mope around.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Major heat. It has actually been quite hot the past week, which is nice. I don’t think I did much…<\/p>\n

Continue Reading\u5927\u6691<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5015,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[213],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2020-solar-terms","excerpt","even","excerpt-0"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5014","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5014"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5014\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5022,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5014\/revisions\/5022"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5015"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5014"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5014"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yinzhuohan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5014"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}